I feel like I'm on the World Race again, America Edition. In
a time span of almost 60 hours I willhave traveled on a train, a plane and an
automobile to get from Port Huron, Michigan all the way to Buffalo, Wyoming.
(It's almost like the movie except I don't have an annoying companion, sadly enough!!)
When I first began to speculate a couple of weeks ago about how to make this
trek across the country, it felt completely normal to look for three modes of
transportation to get to my final destination. But when it came down to the
wire and there was a big blank that I couldn't figure out how to fill, I began
to ask myself if it was really worth it to save a few bucks.
God's already been teaching me a lot through this trip, and
I've only completed the first leg of my journey. He pulled through at the last
minute and provided a car for me to make the six-hour drive from Denver to
Buffalo, and get this: I'm actually going to MAKE money doing it! Only Jesus
can pull that off, and He's showing me in a REAL way that He is the "God of the
Eleventh Hour,"
even in America. I just had to finally throw my
hands in the air and say, "Okay, God. Take over."
I've spent the last 24 hours in Chicago, a city bustling
with activity and thousands of homeless.I had the opportunity to talk with a girl on the street yesterday that
is desperate for a job. She has a resume and has applied at several places
around town. The only problem is that she has no teeth, and her clothes don't
exactly scream, "Professional." She's lost everyone that has ever meant
something to her, except for her cat. I left that conversation asking myself,
"How on earth did our world get so messed up that this is so many peoples'
daily reality?"
I rode the "L" yesterday morning to the airport, and all around
me were people with empty looks on their faces and longing written on their
hearts. I began to ask God, "What will it take for your Kingdom to manifest
here, today, on this train? What will it take for your Kingdom to break loose
across this city and bring about the redemption of your creation? I know your
Kingdom lives inside of me, but how do I release it, Jesus?"
God's answer came in a whisper.
"Intimacy."
Yes, Jesus.
This
is what you've taught me.
This is the thing the invites your Spirit into my
life and empowers me to love.
This is what allows me to know your voice, to
hear your whispers, and to prophesy life over dead bones.
Intimacy is the key that opens the door. Have I so quickly forgotten?
I'm eagerly expecting God to show up for the duration of
this trip. I'll continue to fill you in on the people I meet and the things I
learn on my trip!
The crazy group of us that have been on the World Race like to talk a lot about the "Kingdom." What DID Jesus mean when he talked about the Kingdom of God? Does that really apply to my life right NOW, or am I just waiting to get there some day?
I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that my understanding of this Kingdom changed drastically while on the World Race. It's something that I want the Church in America to "get," yet I find it increasingly difficult to communicate.
A friend of mine (NOT from the World Race!) sent me a link to a poem she found today. It resonated so deeply in my heart and I feel that it communicates so effectively what we are working towards here on the World Race that I want to share it to you. THIS is the Kingdom living I'm talking about, and it's HERE and NOW. THIS is what we as World Race staff are doing. We're standing by the door, calling forth our inheritance of World Racers, and bringing them into the Promised Land!
I pray that GOD speaks to you through these words! And I would LOVE to hear your thoughts! :)
I stand by the door.
I neither go to far in, nor stay to far out.
The door is the most important door in the world -
It is the door through which men walk when they find God.
There is no use my going way inside and staying there,
When so many are still outside and they, as much as I,
Crave to know where the door is.
And all that so many ever find
Is only the wall where the door ought to be.
They creep along the wall like blind men,
With outstretched, groping hands,
Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,
Yet they never find it. So I stand by the door.
The most tremendous thing in the world
Is for men to find that door - the door to God.
The most important thing that any man can do
Is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands
And put it on the latch - the latch that only clicks
And opens to the man's own touch.
Men die outside the door, as starving beggars die
On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter.
Die for want of what is within their grasp.
They live on the other side of it - live because they have not found it.
Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it,
And open it, and walk in, and find Him. So I stand by the door.
Go in great saints; go all the way in -
Go way down into the cavernous cellars,
And way up into the spacious attics.
It is a vast, roomy house, this house where God is.
Go into the deepest of hidden casements,
Of withdrawal, of silence, of sainthood.
Some must inhabit those inner rooms
And know the depths and heights of God,
And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is.
Sometimes I take a deeper look in.
Sometimes venture in a little farther,
But my place seems closer to the opening. So I stand by the door.
There is another reason why I stand there.
Some people get part way in and become afraid
Lest God and the zeal of His house devour them;
For God is so very great and asks all of us.
And these people feel a cosmic claustrophobia
And want to get out. 'Let me out!' they cry.
And the people way inside only terrify them more.
Somebody must be by the door to tell them that they are spoiled.
For the old life, they have seen too much:
One taste of God and nothing but God will do any more.
Somebody must be watching for the frightened
Who seek to sneak out just where they came in,
To tell them how much better it is inside.
The people too far in do not see how near these are
To leaving - preoccupied with the wonder of it all.
Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door
But would like to run away. So for them too, I stand by the door.
I admire the people who go way in.
But I wish they would not forget how it was Before they got in. Then they would be able to help
The people who have not yet even found the door.
Or the people who want to run away again from God.
You can go in too deeply and stay in too long
And forget the people outside the door. As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place,
Near enough to God to hear Him and know He is there,
But not so far from men as not to hear them,
And remember they are there too.
Where? Outside the door - Thousands of them. Millions of them.
But - more important for me - One of them, two of them, ten of them.
Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch.
So I shall stand by the door and wait
For those who seek it.
I had rather be a door-keeper
So I stand by the door.
I was lying on the floor of our tiny Ukranian kitchen,
worshipping God and reveling in his love for me. I had never felt his love in
such a powerful way, and I couldn't help but laugh uncontrollably. I was
speechless.
I had just had one of the hardest conversations of my life
where one of my teammates had been daring enough to love me in a way that hurt
like hell. She said, "Nina, you can really demean us with your words. When that
happens, it makes us feel this tall." (Fingers spaced about two inches apart.)
I instantly felt a frustration and anger arising in my
heart, not towards this person but instead towards myself and towards God. I
had always known that I struggled in this area; I just didn't know HOW I was
supposed to fix this problem in my life. I had asked God to fix it, but he hadn't miraculously intervened. In that moment, I hated who I was.
Later that evening, this teammate invited me to come into
our kitchen and worship with her. I semi-reluctantly agreed, not feeling worthy
to stand before God. But what transpired in the kitchen that day slowly began
to rock my world.
As I lay there, repenting before God and asking him to
change me, I saw one thing. His tender, loving face looked at me with a smile
too big to contain. He said, "My beloved daughter, do you think I love you any
more or any less? My love for you has not changed and will not change. Don't
you see? You're okay!"
It was there, in the middle of my muck and mire, that God
met me. He saw all of me, and all of a sudden I began to experience his UNCONDITIONAL
love in the most real and tangible way. I was ugly, but God said I was
beautiful.
-----
God is taking me through a season of heart transformation.
He's been showing me that I still don't understand how vast and big and
unconditional his love is for me. I think we could all agree that God's love is
a magnificent, unexplainable force of the natural and supernatural realm, so
it's not that I will ever fully understand it. Where I've always
struggled is receiving his love for me.
The biggest thing I've seen stand in the way of receiving love is that I've
always been under the impression that love must be earned. The lies were,
"As soon as you mess up, God will turn his back on you. You have to prove yourself
worthy to be loved." All my life, I've worked and worked and worked instead of
just remaining settled in his love. I've been so afraid of losing his love that
I can't do the one thing he desires: RECEIVE.
It doesn't matter how many times you hear something like
this. It doesn't matter how many times you say it to yourself or to other
people. Change happens when you can actually claim the truth over your life,
believe that it's true for you, and walk new in the revelation.
Now is where I have learned grace comes in.
One of my biggest revelations on the Race was the meaning of
GRACE. I can honestly say that I've had such a wrong concept of this
five-letter word my entire life. One of the ways God began to teach me about
his grace was through a book called, "The Ragamuffin Gospel," by Brennan
Manning. (Read it!)
There was a line in the book that went something like this.
"The reason you are so critical of others is because you are
critical of yourself."
Oh, God. That's me! I get it!
Here's the really cool (and sort of ironic!) part. My name literally means,
"God's gift of grace."
God wants my LIFE to be marked by GRACE! Wow, God! Really??!
(He has such a sense of humor.)
God's grace allows me to stand before him, ugly and
bleeding; and instead of seeing a pitiful mess, he sees his beautiful creation
whom he longs to love.
The road I walked on the World Race was one of deep healing.
I found so much freedom in my life from things that had been suffocating me
from just living life in joy and peace and contentment. But now things are
different. Now I am back to "normal life," and I have to face some deeper
issues in my heart.
I'm not "finished" or "complete," but God IS continuing to
work in me. He's stripping me, and it hurts. But at the end of the day, I can say with confidence, "Thank you, God, for your grace. Empower me, strengthen me, and uphold me by your righteous right hand. YOU are mighty to save."
Apparently, I have a hard time writing blogs about "normal"
life. I have heard on multiple occasions since returning home from the Race,
"If I wanted to figure out what you were doing, I had to read your teammates
blogs!" Sorry, friends and family. I admit that I'm not very good at staying
connected sometimes. I am working at figuring out how to communicate the normal
things in life.
To get started, here's a brief update on my life.
I am currently living in Port Huron, Michigan. I live in a
big house with four guys and seven other girls (soon to be nine), two of which
are former teammates of mine. That's pretty sweet. Everybody here is great, and
we like to laugh a lot. We also like to play Euchre, Killer Bunnies (yes, it's
a ridiculous game!), Parcheesi, and Four-Point Pitch.
I'm doing a six-month apprenticeship with the World Race as
a part of the Field Support staff. Although this initial commitment is a short
stint, I'm waiting for further clarification from the Lord about where He's
leading me, whether that is here or somewhere else. I am learning that it
doesn't so much matter what I'm doing as it does who I'm doing it with.
Most days I wake up, go to the gym, make some phone calls,
write some emails, and do other random work from my computer. I don't usually
leave my house other than to go to the grocery store or Walmart. It's not that
I necessarily love all of this "busy-work," and it's not that my days are
really that exciting. (Compared to waking up in the foothills of Mount
Kilimanjaro, what could be?!)
BUT...
I LOVE the World Race, mostly because I love the people and
the Kingdom work that's happening around and within us. The reason I'm doing
what I'm doing is because of emails I get on days like today, where a Racer I've
continually prayed for and believed in tells me that God is setting them free
of life-long addictions. It's the phone call I get to have with a leader on the
field just to say, "We BELIEVE in you!" when they feel like giving up. It's God
telling me, "Remind (some person) of who I say they are," and then receiving an
emotional email from that Racer who needed to hear God's heart.
The house that I live in is full of people that continue to
amaze me. They are people that have counted the cost of following Christ and
have said, "I will go where You go." They are people that show me God's
unconditional love in a real and tangible way. They are madly in love with
Jesus and are madly passionate about releasing the LIGHT and LOVE of Christ in
a DARK and BROKEN world. They inspire me, push me, and believe in me.
I can't believe how blessed I am!!!!!!
Here's our gingerbread house. How cool is that?!?!
If you would like to support me, I still need about $4,500 to finish out my apprenticeship!
Please consider doing what YOU can do during this time of tragedy!!
**********
Since the earthquake happened in Haiti we've
all been looking for opportunities to help. AIM is launching a huge
effort to make a long-term difference. Creating opportunities for
short-term teams will take a lot of details and information that you
can't get unless you are there. Somebody has to go in first.
I've been working with many people to organize a team of World Race
Alumni to go into the country, and we're leaving this Thursday. That's
right... we're leaving on Thursday . I'll actually being going out to
lead the team. My heart was broken for the people of Haiti on my World
Race trip last February, and I want to help. The trip will be from
Thursday the 21st through Wednesday the 27th.
We'll be traveling to Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic and traveling to the border. The vision is that we will
go as a first response team representing AIM, gathering basic info on
contacts and travel, and to provide immediate relief to the people
suffering in Haiti.
I talked with Seth Barnes last night about this trip and AIM's
bigger picture. Adventures in Missions has experience working in crisis
and disaster situations. They responded to the tsunami and to Hurricane
Katrina. We want to make a long-term difference in Haiti. I have hopes
that our Alumni trip will help gather necessary information for the
many teams that will follow in our footsteps to build into the
long-term plan of bringing restoration to a part of Haiti... physical
and spiritual.
Being some of the first to go in will not be easy. We're still
working on details regarding transportation, communication, and
ministry contacts. But we need to start somewhere... there are people
dying in the streets. Any hassle in transportation is immediately worth
it because finding answers to those problems will make it easier for a
team of medical personal going in the next week.
We're going to pray. We're going to minister to those we meet. We're going to tell their stories.
And this is only the beginning.
Will you help us? Will you help send this team of Alumni out to help pave the way?
We have asked each Alumni who is participating to buy their own
plane tickets to the Dominican Republic. They are getting friends,
family, and supporters to help them with that. In order to cover ground
costs and ministry needs (any opportunities to meet immediate needs
like food, water, and blankets) we have set up a special project to
accept donations. Please pray and give! We need your help to pave the
way. Please give to this project to help this team of Alumni!
Once
you're on this page, change the program on the drop-down menu to a
"World Race Project." A new box will appear, for a description of the
project. Please have supporters put WR HAITI as the name of the
Project.
We're asking that all Alumni help us raise money for this
Project. Reach out to your personal networks of family and friends. If
you've watched the news, read the blogs, and wondered what you can
do... please do this. We absolutely need you to make this
happen. Please give abundantly and sacrificially.
In addition to financial support, this team will need a special
covering of prayer. Pray for safety. Pray for open doors and clear
communication. Haiti has always been a spiritual battleground as
well. There is a war in the heavens for this nation and we are sure to
experience it firsthand in the coming week.
Family, friends, supporters, blog readers.... You are needed. You are the foundation for the ministry we do and we thank you.
For Him and His Kingdom! Jesus is the Hope of Haiti!
Last March, I had the
privilege of living in a home that houses
women (and girls) that have been rescued from a life of selling
themselves on the streets of India to make a tiny living. As you may or
may not know, I began to fall in love with these women as I heard their
horrific stories and saw their lives transformed by the love of Jesus.
These are hurting women like I've never seen, and yet their smiles and
optimism about life gave me hope.
As I reflect on the past year of my life, my heart is grieved at
the poverty and desperation so prevalent around the world, especially
when I look at all I have been given. We are so quick to say that we
don't have much, but I now know that is simply not true. Even though I
carried all of my possessions on my back last year and wasn't making a
monetary income, I knew that I had SO MUCH MORE than most of the people
I was encountering. It astounds me to see how little people can survive
on and what hardships they endure on a daily basis just to buy their
daily bread.
This Christmas season, I would like to challenge you to ask yourself, "What is God calling me to give?"
Is it a
meal to your elderly neighbors? How about a new shirt for the kid in
school everyone makes fun of? Perhaps it's spending time with those
less fortunate than you, the ones that society labels "filthy," "lazy,"
and "no-good." There's no better way to show the love of Christ than to
dine with "sinners."
The thing that I learned from spending three weeks with the women mentioned above is that we really cannot know or understand what people
have gone through. It's wrong of us to make assumptions about how and
why their lives look a certain way. Until we're able to humble
ourselves and hear their heartbeats, we will never be able to show the
real love and compassion of Jesus.
The thing is, deep down, we are all
the same.
We are all crying out for an unconditional love that is not
of this world,
and once we've found it, the yearning of our hearts
should be to give it away.
This Christmas season, let your gifts be given out of love for a King, a baby born in a manger.
If you are interested in giving towards the ministry of this home in India, please contact me for further details! I would absolutely love to share with you how a monetary gift of just $20 can make a huge difference in the lives of these women this Christmas!!
Merry Christmas! May the blessings you have received this year be used to bless another!
This blog is meant to answer the question of, "What am I doing about these ‘kingdom realities' I've been exposed to on the World Race?" For a complete understanding of what I'm talking about, I invite you to read my last two blogs.
This blog is a little bit longer than normal, but I encourage you to read through to the end. You might learn something new. At least give it a good skim!
*****
To begin with, I'd like to share with you about the number 11.
The World Race is an 11-month mission trip to 11 different countries. When I first signed up for the Race, I often wondered why 11 and not a full year. Perhaps you've even wondered this yourself. 11 seems a strange number, doesn't it?
On several occasions last year, Michael Hindes (the director of the World Race) told us that 11 prophetically symbolizes "transition" in the Bible. As I started to look more into this symbolism, I found that 11 refers to chaos or imperfection, which makes sense in thinking about transition. But how in the world does chaos or imperfection relate to the World Race?
Allow me to process this for a moment. When I see chaos in my life, what is my reaction? I don't particularly like the feeling it gives me, so I have a choice to either mull around in it or create order. What is my reaction when I see imperfection in my life? I don't exactly like this either, but seeing my imperfections humbles me and causes me to seek after the one and only Perfect. See my point? In the words of Michael:
Chaos needs order. Imperfection needs perfection. Eleven symbolizes this need.
Transitions are never easy, and I probably went through more transitions in 11 months on the World Race than I have my entire 24 years of life. The main thing that I have seen come from these transitions (and ultimately the big transition back to normal life after eleven months on the mission field) is a transformation of my life; a transformation in my thinking, in my heart, in my experience of God, and in my all-around living.
Why do I believe the World Race is different from so many other mission trips?
I believe the answer to this lies in the fact that if one is willing to dive in, completely unhindered, a TRANSITION takes place in his/her mind, heart, spirit and overall living. Let me put it this way: I saw my squad as a whole TRANSITION from a life centered on advancing ourselves to a life centered on advancing the Kingdom of God! The best part is that wherever life now takes us, we have been forever impacted.
I believe that some of my squad will be called to overseas missions. Some will be called to the American church. Others will be called to be business men and women. But whatever sphere of influence God calls us to as individuals, there is an exponential factor. We are each moving out and expanding the Kingdom in an exponential way. The World Race has readied and equipped us for this higher calling!
What am I being called to, you ask?
This is a new season of my life; a new season of growth, of dependence on the Lord, of discovering who HE is, and of seeking after his dreams for me. I believe that God does in fact dream over me, and those dreams are bigger than anything I could imagine.
In pursuit of those dreams, I have taken a step of faith by making a six-month commitment to work with the incredible World Race staff and leaders. During this time, I will be working with past, current and future World Race missionaries by serving them, encouraging them in their growth, and doing whatever else is needed to make this program run smoothly!
I've already shared with you why I believe the World Race is different from many other mission trips. The fact is, without an incredible staff of devoted people, there would be no World Race. I am so excited to get to join this team of people for six months (or longer) as we pour into our missionaries that are bringing KINGDOM realities to the nations of a DYING world!
I am passionate about my generation rising up as world-changers and Kingdom-bringers! I am passionate about speaking life into others and watching them come alive as they become the people God has destined them to be! At this very moment, there are babies dying of AIDS; women being sold by their families into prostitution; young adults committing suicide; and people of all ages crying out for a REAL God to reveal himself to them in a REAL way. It is time to DO something about the brokenness of this world!
Will you support me on this journey? I am raising $9,000 to live on for the next six months. Your gift not only supports me but also the hundreds of World Race missionaries on the field that are bringing the light of Christ to thousands all around the world.
Every gift counts. Would you consider giving anywhere from $10 to $1,000?
Click here to make a one time or monthly donation.
Please send me a message if you have questions or for further details.
The amazing thing is that God is continuing to teach me through this divine encounter with one ordinary woman; but first let me give you a little more background information.
~~~~~
In transitioning back to America, I often sat before the Lord with the same question: "God, what is it you want me to tell the American church?" After eleven months of experiencing only that which I dreamt of, the answer to this question seemed almost impossible. Overwhelming to be exact.
One day, it hit me. The Lord said, "Tell them about gaining the eyes of Christ."
"WOW, God!" I replied in excitement. I knew this was so much more than a simple statement, so I waited for more revelation to come.
As I began to research "eyes" in the Bible, I found a few key passages. The first place eyes are mentioned is in Genesis 3:5. Here we are taken to the story of Adam and Eve as they are tempted by the serpent in the Garden of Eden. The serpent tells Eve that she will not surely die if she eats the fruit of the tree but rather that, "In the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."
I am no Bible scholar, but this passage makes it clear to me that Eve's eyes could only see certain elements in the world. But what could this mean? Clearly, Adam and Eve were not blind before this incident. So what was it they could not see?
The next passage I was taken to is the story of a man blind at birth. (Now is where you stop, find your Bible, and read John 9:1-34. Do it. I promise you that Jesus' words are more powerful than mine!)
Jesus passes by this man on the road, spits on the ground to make clay, and anoints the blind man's eyes with this clay. He then tells the man to go and wash his eyes in the pool of Siloam. The man obeys and returns with eyes fully restored. As the once-blind man begins to tell others what Jesus has done for him, some believe and some refuse. Keep in mind that His biggest opponents were the Pharisees who just couldn't make sense of this miracle. So because they could not understand, they refused to believe even when the evidence was before their very eyes.
I then flipped to Matthew 13:10-17. (You can read this in your Bible, too.) Here we see Jesus explaining his purpose in talking in parables. He explains that some have been given knowledge of the mysteries of the kingdom, but some have not. Jesus says, "Therefore I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand." The real kicker for me is verse 17 where Jesus says, "Many prophets and righteous men desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it."
It blows my mind to think that people can desire to see the kingdom of God and yet are unable! As I shared some of my thoughts on this very thing with a group of high school girls last week, I asked them what they thought kept people from seeing. One girl piped up and said, "FAITH." I think that she was right on.
You see, we were not made to see as this WORLD sees! We were meant to
see as JESUS sees, but many of us do not have the spiritual eyesight to
see beyond our physical world. We get stuck on ourselves, our own
problems, and our agendas. Because of that, we miss out on the things
that God is doing and the part he's called us to play in this grand
scheme of life. We are not asking him for faith to believe the
impossible and eyes to see the KINGDOM!
~~~~~
I believe with all my heart that God has restored Mary's eyesight. He made that promise to me in Guatemala, and he never backs down on his promises. I remember him clearly telling me, "Pray for her spiritual eyesight to be restored. She must first see my face."
The question I now must ask myself is, "Am I able to truly see Jesus' face? Do I have his eyes of compassion, or am I passing by men and women that need his healing touch as I walk the aisles of Wal-Mart? What is it that is blocking me from seeing the truths of the kingdom of God in my normal, everyday life?"
I think that's a good question to ask yourself today, too.
I've noticed a few changes in myself after traveling the world for eleven months.
*Believe it or not, I still have to tell myself it's okay to flush the toilet paper down the toilet and then force my hand to drop it. Some habits are hard to break!
*The other day we had a family BBQ but ran out of plates just in time for cake and ice cream. My first instinct was to say, "No problem; you can use my plate when I'm finished!" I forget that Americans don't typically do that; you know, share eve...ry...thing.
*Time is lost on me. I typically don't know the hour let alone the day of the week or even the month! I get confused about what season it is and have realized that when talking about the past, I need to add a year of time to almost every story.
*Speaking of time, I now refer to it by countries rather than months.
*I'm still carrying around my pack because I can't quite figure out how to NOT live out of it. I've started calling myself a nomad because really, that's what I am.
*****
These are just a few silly, little changes I've noticed in myself.I could go on, but all-in-all I have been shocked at how smooth it's been to transition into "Month 12: AMERICA." I suppose that's partly due to the preparation our leaders gave us and partly due to the fact that we are used to change and transition by now. (Change pretty much defined our life this past year.)
The thing I've missed the most is being with a group of people that are so like-minded; starting every day together in prayer and seeing every opportunity as one to minister. The thing about ministering to people is that it's so much easier and works so much better when we're functioning as a body. We lived out the five-fold ministry (Ephesians 4) this year, and after experiencing the anointing in working together, I don't ever want to minister another way. (I'll have to write another blog soon about that.)
So back to processing the transition.
I've had such a warm welcome from so many people, and I have seen how much I am loved. The hard part for me is knowing how to begin relaying the stories and experiences I've had. I'm not a huge talker, and although the Race started off as a big adventure, ministering to people around the world became normal life. Seeing them with a KINGDOM perspective became natural. And although I am dying to share my experiences, I don't like to exaggerate the truth.
For a lot of the same reasons, processing has been tough. One of my best processing moments happened when waiting tables at my parents' restaurant last week. Some guy I had never met started asking me all sorts of questions with an earnest desire to hear my perspective. He's not gone far from the small town in Nebraska where he was raised. However, he's had a few experiences that have taught him to approach life with an open rather than closed mind.
Although he has a fear and respect of God, I don't know that this man would call himself a Christian. He's seen the hypocrisy of the church and doesn't think it's right, and I respect him for that. The thing that made our conversation great was that I was given the chance to verbally process a lot of this new perspective I've gained all the while (hopefully) showing this man what the love of Christ actually looks like. The cool thing is that I don't know if I would have been able to have this same sort of conversation a year ago. I don't know if I would have been able to say, "Yeah man, we just went to love."
Anyway, I'm continuing to process as I write now, but this is what my Month 12 has looked like.
heart transformation.
He's been showing me that I still don't understand how vast and big and
unconditional his love is for me. I think we could all agree that God's love is
a magnificent, unexplainable force of the natural and supernatural realm, so
it's not that I will ever fully understand it. Where I've always
struggled is receiving his love for me. 
ill
go as a first response team representing AIM, gathering basic info on
contacts and travel, and to provide immediate relief to the people
suffering in Haiti. 
